It was getting dark and I was driving around in unfamiliar territory. This neighborhood had a humble appearance, modest homes, clean yards and friendly residents. As I drove through, I waved at a sweet elderly lady raking the leaves in her yard. "Okay. She looks nice." I thought to myself. Feeling better about this shortcut now, I kept going. Another couple blocks, a few more friendly people. There were some teenagers playing basketball on the street. As I sat at the stop sign, I watched them for a minute. My mind wandered off into that place I find myself sometimes; thinking...analyzing. I wonder where they live, what are these kids like, what are the parents like? Are they happy? Abused? Broken? I lost track of my direction as I drove aimlessly, lost in my thoughts. I didn't even hear the radio because my thoughts were much louder. A wrong turn here, a wrong turn there and I am completely LOST. I stopped in the road trying to grasp my surroundings. How do I get out of here? Where is the friendly lady or the kids playing ball? Where are nice looking yards and safe surroundings? Suddenly, I am aware that I have put myself in a bad place and the lady on this street doesn't look all that friendly. I ask myself this question, "how did I get to this place?" God's voice answers me in my heart, "I let you go there." Why? Because sometimes we have to go to ugly places to appreciate the beauty of other places. Because we are supposed to learn something of value that will be build good character in our lives.
Have you ever found yourself in this situation? I have. I sit and think about my life and the direction it is going. I think...too much, I'm told. I can't help it. I am who I am. You know what? I am who God wants me to be. God loves the thinker in me. Isn't He the one who created me? God loves me, Little Krista, the over-thinker, analyzer, worrier.
Lately, I sit back and look around me. How did I get to this place? My journey didn't start out here. When I began this journey it was safe, sweet, pleasant. The spot of my current location doesn't look so safe now, sweet now or pleasant now. This place now, looks like I settled for the dirt and debris of this ugly world. How did I get to THIS place? Busyness? Selfishness? Idleness? Whatever it is, I'm here. I have left my comfort zone. I have stepped outside of my box. In my box, I had Christian friends, Christian books, Christian music, Christian everything. Outside the box is the whole entire world. How did I get to this place? God brought me here. I think he wanted me to step outside my safe zone, but He wanted me perservere outside of it. And I have messed that up. He wanted my walk with Him to be consistent, steady and closer, no matter my surroundings. Sure, it is easy to be an awesome Christian girl inside your Christian world. Take one step out of it and you are faced with everyday choices. I took some wrong turns and I have found myself in a very ugly place (spiritually speaking). It's a place where I forget to pray, forget to have a quiet time with him, forget to praise. How did I get here? Me, a Sunday School teacher. Me, a worship leader. Me. Thank you, Jesus, that even though I feel lost, You know exactly where I am.
Inside or outside the box, I am still the same person. On the path to rightousness or off the path and in the direction of destruction. Either way, either direction. I am STILL the same person. I have to choose to stay on the right course though and it is not as easy when you are outside your comfort zone. I have forsaken the very person God designed me to be, in order to be the person that other people have wanted me to be. And why? Because they fulfill my life? Because they are so important? Because they are blessing me? Some people in my life do bring me fulfillment and they are all important.
This post, a whole year later than the last post, is about my relationship with God. On that road of life, I have followed the wrong signs. I have ignored the warning signs, the detours, the rough shoulder signs. How did I get to this place?
...and I still hear His voice, "because I brought you here."
I missed my quiet time with God the other day...and for a whole year it seems.
So I ask a new question, "Where do I go from here?" I hear my Jesus say, "Whereever I take you." But I think this time, I will let Him do the driving.
Sitting in the passenger seat,
